Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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