atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
