I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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