Yo dont text me then not text me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fuck appropriateness.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The power of my boobs compel you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
