Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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