We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
