i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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