Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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