I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
