Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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