You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
