Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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