I'm so fucking centered right now
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
