i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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