I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
