It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In other news, I just burned my penis
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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