Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
