worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
