I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
