I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
