mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
