Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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