My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize
