They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
