i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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