We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
