I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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