WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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