Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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