My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
soo... how was my night?
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