I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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