The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
