i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
