and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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