I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
