Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
