So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
