I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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