Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
