wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
