you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
