My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
