Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
