i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
All the doctor said was why
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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