Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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