8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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