there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
