if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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