My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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