hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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