my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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