I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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