She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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