I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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