Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
