I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
