he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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