I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
