Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
