I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
