I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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