Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
