So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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