awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
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Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
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you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?