If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.